Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
