A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
