you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
