APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
