Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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