If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
