oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
