Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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