just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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