i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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