I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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