Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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