If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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