My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
