I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Found the puke drawer
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
