i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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