I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
