It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
