walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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