First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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