No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
