Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
