I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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