wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
