shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
