so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
