Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
