Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
