"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize