don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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