did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
