Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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