people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
