Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
