last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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