thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
