I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I sprained my soul last night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
