Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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