this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
