I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
