I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
