he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
