i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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