How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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