This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
