I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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