Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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