well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.