guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
