I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
