Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
