some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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