1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
