How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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