i wish peter jackson would direct porn
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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