In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
