Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
