He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
