i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
