Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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